I have a birthday coming up. Well, in a little under 6 months, but still...it's coming. And I will be 32. I remember thinking 30 was old. Actually, I remember thinking 25 was old. Oh, it'll all be downhill from there, I thought! Geez. And now that I'm a year past 30, I can honestly say that I see things completely differently now. I can't really think of an age that's "old". I mean, I think there is truly something to be said for the adage that, "you're as old as you feel". And that leads me to my point...
I can't ever remember being really happy with the way I look. I'm not looking for sympathy, pity or even support with that statement, it's merely the truth. Even in High School, when I was thin-ish, I remember being very uncomfortable in my skin. I always felt big, whether I was or not, I felt that way. I'm a picky eater. And when I say picky, I mean...I like fried chicken. A LOT. And fried okra, and fried pickles, and fried onions. All relatively okay things...until you fry them! And my love of all things fried, combined with my obsession with Dr. Pepper, has helped me gain a significant amount of weight over the past 7 years.
And now, on this 6 month-ish eve of my 32nd birthday, I am finally ready to change. I don't feel old. I look at my children, and sometimes feel as if my life is just beginning. I'm not an outdoorsy kinda girl, but I want to go outside to explore with them. I've never liked to run, but my daughter LOVES to...and I want to encourage that. I ate horribly for the first, well, 31 years of my life, and I don't want my kids to go down that road. I want to model confidence for Elli, not self-destructive behavior/eating habits or poor self-esteem. (And let me just say that I think that's a very slippery slope, and there's enough to be said about that one seemingly small topic to fill up many, many more blog posts!). I want Micah to see me participating in activities, not just sitting on the sidelines. And if I'm honest with myself, I don't think I can do any of those things with confidence until I get my weight under control.
I'm not trying to blow the situation out of proportion. I know I'm not huge and, to some, it may not even seem like I have that much of a problem. But I know how I feel when I step on the scale. I know the agony of trying to decide what to wear every day. I know that my eating habits are FAR from healthy, and that I absolutely loathe working out because I'm so out of shape. So it doesn't really matter what it looks like from the outside...I know in my heart that I need to change.
And finally...3 paragraphs later...my point! I have decided, committed, promised myself to lose 32 lbs by the time I'm 32 years old. It's a number that is attainable, maybe not easily attainable, but attainable nonetheless. It's a good weight for my height, it will bring me down a few pant sizes (maybe?!), and I think it will honestly change.my.life. I won't be dieting, per se', just making better food choices. Cutting out Dr. Pepper's just won't work for me...so I'll be limiting them. I love me some chocolate, so I'm not planning on cutting that out either...just making it more of a treat than an every night indulgence :) And I've joined a gym and have succeeded in working out (however grudgingly) 4 out of 5 days this week. I've committed myself to 5x/week, so I'll be going on Saturday to make up the day I missed. I think it's just as much about making time for myself (in a healthy way), as it is about losing the weight. I want to stay "young" by feeling young...and I'd love your support as I start this journey :)
4 comments:
Go for it! My only caution would be that losing weight that fast might make it harder to keep it off. Theresa and I just finished reading this great book by Brian Wansink (http://mindlesseating.org/) - it offered a lot of insight into long-term weight control.
Good luck!
Thanks for your honesty Amy! I will be praying for you.
Good for you, I've been in a similar boat for the last few years. I always gain a TON when I'm pregnant and it takes me a while to lose it. The Mindless Eating book that Kyle is talking about basically helps you figure out when you tend to overeat (or under eat) and how to change your environment so that you make better choices automatically. There is no food that is off limits and you figure out your own rules so it is easier to stick with. Simple things like always having two veggie options (at least one of which isn't fried, cuz I like fried okra too :) at dinner have made a huge difference not only for my weight, but for my energy levels (and for how good the kids are at eating their veggies too).
Good on you for working out. It can be really hard to find time with little kids. I never manage to make it out the door to the gym so you are doing better than me there. I try to take the long way to the park, play Wii Fit or at least crawl around giving Audrey "elephant" rides every day, but that is pretty much the extent of my exercise.
If you want to chat about stuff give me a call. I am totally with you on the love of fried food and actually counted cream-style corn as a veggie tonight, but I also walked 3 miles so I'm calling it even...
You can do this, I know you can. And even if you don't lose an ounce (though you will), eating better will help you feel better and have more energy. Good luck!
I can really relate to this post! I gained quite a bit of weight during my infertility treatments & pregnancy. Now I'm trying to lose it, especially because I want to be a good role model for our daughter! I love to read about other women's weight loss journeys- keep us posted!
-Lauren Haggard
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