There is a special moment that will forever be imprinted on my heart. It was the moment, almost four years ago now, that I finally gave my deepest longing over to the Lord. I was sitting with a very dear friend, pouring my heart out to her about my desire to be a mother. I was frustrated, sad and feeling helpless. I cried, she hugged me, and we prayed. And then, in that moment, I let go.
So many women struggle with infertility. Looking back, I know now that my brief season of waiting for a child paled in comparison to the long wait (sometimes endless wait) of some. But for me, that moment and that season was hard. I will never forget the release I felt when I gave up my feeling of entitlement. When I gave up trying to control every. single. detail. of the whole pregnancy process. If you're a woman, chances are that you know what I'm talking about :) I let go of the "me" part, and started embracing the "God" part. Life, pregnancy and childbirth are all miracles, after all. And by the Lord's amazing grace, I was sharing the wonderfully happy news of my pregnancy with that same friend about 9 weeks later.
I think I've written about why I chose the name Elliana for my first daughter before, but the short version is that it means "God's Answer". In so many ways my sweet baby girl is truly an answered prayer. There is simply no other name that would fit. And as she turned THREE just a few short weeks ago, I started reflecting on her precious life. How can it have already been three years? Where has the time gone?
In that short time she's lived in two states and in three different houses. She's traveled to 11 states, been on several airplanes, weathered her Daddy's deployment, and become a big sister. She started pre-school this year, loves dance, "plays" soccer, participates in AWANA, and is obsessed with all things mermaid :)
She is smart, oh-so-smart, silly, sweet and extremely cautious. She may not be the first to give you a laugh, or a smile, but when she does it lights up the room. She loves to sing, play dress up, hear stories, run with her Daddy, play hide-and-go-seek (she hides in the same spot every time!), ride in her Daddy's car (are you sensing the theme here?!), help me cook, and make her brother laugh. She likes for things to match, wants braids in her hair every day (like Rapunzel), and takes books to bed with her. She snuggles with me every.single.morning, and always wakes up with a smile on her face. She'd pick muffins for breakfast all the time if given a choice, and loves her some grilled cheese sandwiches. She gets the hiccups every time she laughs (hard), will always order vanilla ice cream but then eat all of my chocolate, has a sensitive heart (just like me), and wants to be Strawberry Shortcake for Halloween.
My girl has been such a blessing to me. Every day is new and exciting to her, a fresh start and a joy. What a way to live! I think we could all stand to take some cues from a three year old. I couldn't imagine my life without her, those big blue eyes and that sweet spirit. I'm so thankful for my precious friend. Thankful that she was there 4 years ago to listen to me, encourage me, and most of all, to pray with me. Letting go was the best thing I have ever done. It led to an open heart, and a precious, priceless, perfect gift...my daughter.
