Summertime

I forgot how hot it is in NC. Add pregnancy to the heat and humidity, and it's almost more than I can take! Poor Elli, her favorite thing to do is play with bubbles outside and it takes just about all the energy I can muster to sit out there and watch her in the afternoons. Whew!! It sure puts England weather into perspective...maybe it wasn't so bad living over there after all :)

Chris is just trucking along in his training. **That's him on the left!** He's flying now, so he's happy. He's pretty easy to please that way :) We'll find out sometime in September where we're heading next. We only have 3 options (and one is back to England!!), but the hard part is narrowing down where the best place for our family is going to be. Right now, we're really struggling with that decision. There are deployments to think about, and a brand-new baby coming along about 5 weeks before we will be scheduled to move. Not the greatest timing, but I know in my heart that it will all work out in the end. It's just getting to that point that is hard!

Elli is doing great as well. She's at such a fun stage, and it's exciting to watch her learn and grow so quickly these days. She's finally starting to put words together. I think she was a little delayed in that area, but she's definitely making up for it now. She loves her baby dolls, and wants to rock them, feed them & change their clothes constantly. I'm thrilled b/c she's so sweet and gentle with them, and I'm really hoping that it's a little window into how she will be when we bring home the new baby. We're also working on the alphabet, which has really been quite comical. Every word she sees is "ABC". Every letter you show her is "ABC". A toothbrush is "ABC" (b/c we sing the alphabet song when we brush our teeth). Funny!! Needless to say, we're a ways off from knowing our letters! Ha!

She's still a big fan of the water, and we try to go the Spray Park in our area at least once a week. In fact, she loves it so much that we're going to do her birthday party there! I think she'll have a blast! And we're heading to the beach to spend July 4th with my family, so she'll have plenty of fun in the sun over the next few weeks!

As for me, I think I'm really starting to settle in here in North Carolina. Sometimes it takes awhile to really get acclimated to a place, and though we've been here before I think I struggled more than I thought I would. But we finally found a church that we really like, I started volunteering again, and we've been blessed with great friends who have helped along the way. I'm in a good place now, and I'm anxious to meet our new little bundle...a BOY, by the way!!

WooHOO!!!!!!!!

On my heart...

I don't usually go crazy with blog hopping. I'm more of a "stick with what/who you know" kinda girl. But today, for some reason, I found myself reading the blog of a blog friend. Does that make sense? Anyway, the blogger is a fellow military spouse and her post was about her husband (who she doesn't name, before the OPSEC freak-outs start). Did I just lose anyone there? Stick with me, I promise not to use any more military lingo :)

As I was reading, the tears just started pouring. I mean, pouring. This sweet woman's husband is dealing with PTSD, a Traumatic Brain Injury (which he got while gone on a 15 month deployment), and several other issues from his past. He's hurting. She's hurting. And it made my heart hurt...for our soldiers, our families, and our country.

Unless you live the military life, you will never quite understand what it's like. Trying to explain deployments, or feelings about deployments, to people who have never experienced them is hard. And honestly, it just doesn't work...there really are no words to describe what those months are like for the families of soldiers who are away. It's not just the separation. It's the fear that holds your heart like a vice from the moment you see your loved one step foot on that plane/bus/transport car, to the moment they return again, that is so difficult. "Oh please, Lord, please please please let him return safely" is a soft prayer that I know all too well.

This isn't a woe-is-me thing. There are a million things about the military that I love, and I honestly think that the good things usually outweigh the bad. Plus, who doesn't love a man in uniform?! What reading that blog made me realize though (once I pulled myself together!) is how important it is to be informed. I realized that I hide behind the fact that my husband isn't (and never will be) on the ground, and it gives me a little sense of security. I cloak myself in a blanket of "well, that could never happen to us" because, well...sometimes I just have to. But the fact of the matter is, our country is still at war. Sometimes the ones we love don't come back. Sometimes they do, but they're not the same as they were when they left. And it's hard...all the time.

The blog, for me, was a wake-up call. There have been several changes this year regarding military benefits, and we need to be informed. We need to elect officials who have military experience (if they will be dealing with military affairs), and we need to get involved in our own future. I didn't know that there was so little available for families who have soldiers suffering from PTSD. I can't imagine how alone this woman must feel knowing that she can't help her husband. But I can pray for her, about the situation, and for our government officials. I can get involved by writing letters. And I can be a friend, maybe not to her specifically (though the Lord may be working on that!), but to other women in my community who I know may be suffering as she is. And you guys can do that, too. I think it's the least we can do.

Where's Miss E???

I haven't been posting very many pics of my sweet thing lately...don't have an excuse, just haven't really had time to sit down and wait for Blogger to upload them. Does it take a crazy long time for everyone else, or is it just me? It's okay, you can tell me that I'm technically challenged...I'm used to it :) Anyway, I thought I'd remedy the situation by showing you some of the random things that Elli has been doing lately! We have so much fun together, she's like my little mini-me.

Where's Miss E??

Oh, there she is in the basket! Why wouldn't she be in the basket??

And there she is hanging out with her puppy and my comb...yes, I have my camera with me at all times just so that I can capture moments like these :) This is what she does while waiting for me to get ready in the morning if I accidentally pushed the snooze button on my alarm a few (10!) times.

One of her favorite things to do. She loves her baby dolls, and is so cuddly. She wants to give everyone hugs and kisses when she sees them...strangers and all!

(We're working on that!)

And here she is reading a book at the library! She's a genius, I tell ya! Ha :) Honestly, I think she liked the swivel chair more than she liked the book!

And here she is dipping her french fries in ketchup, her daddy's greatest achievement! She is a dipping pro! And no, before you gasp, we don't feed her french fries, goldfish & fried chicken all the time...these were my leftovers (minus the goldfish) from the night before and so she got a special treat :)

And finally, Elli rocking her sunglasses! She LOVES them...and I think she's just adorable :)

Here's to a New Year!!

I'm not a big resolutions girl. I mean, I try (like I did here) but my intentions usually fall flat. I can't ever keep up with what I resolved to do, which causes me to stress about not keeping promises to myself, and then I feel guilty about my choices. Boo! That's no way to start the year!

I think the key is accountability. And let's be honest...I'm not great at holding myself accountable. Take, for instance, giving up Dr. Peppers (which was cleverly disguised last year as "not drinking my calories"). Well, if you know me at all you know that my resolution lasted a week (at most!). I thought it sounded great at the time, but ummm, no personal accountability. And let's just not even talk about asking Chris to help me on this one! That's just a recipe for disaster :)

This year, instead of just making a list of things that I'd like to change about myself & pinpointing January 1 to be the start of my life change, I'm going to think about things a little bit more deeply. I know I'm not where I want to be...spiritually, financially, personally...but just saying that I need to change really hasn't worked in the past so I'm pretty sure it's not going to work now either. It will take prayer, lots of it! And hard work. And fellowship & accountability. And instead of these changes lasting for just 365 days, I intend to make them a life-long passion. To grow & to learn, and to embrace & use the gifts that the Lord blessed me with.

So here's to a new year, one full of change & opportunity! Let's make it the best one yet!

This and That

First of all, thank you all so much for your great comments to my last entry! I had lots of laughs, and let out a huge sigh of relief that my honestly didn't scare y'all away :) I heard a lot of, "I thought you had it all together" (which just made me laugh even harder!), and can't tell you how many times I've thought the same of so many of you!! I think the comments spoke for themselves, and made my point for me; that just hearing about/reading/looking at snippets of people's lives doesn't always paint an accurate picture. We all struggle, we all worry about things, we all make decisions that might not always be the greatest, but we're not failures because of it. All too often, I think women (and men) compare themselves to other people and come out thinking that they don't measure up. Are you feelin' me on that one? Or maybe I'm just talking about myself :) But just look at the responses! It was great to share a little bit of everyone's reality with them...I might have to make this honesty post a monthly thing! Ha!

In other news, I'm just about done with all the crafty stuff for Elli's birthday! Yay! I'll be making cupcake shaped cookies as favors, and the cupcakes themselves, the day before the party, and that's really all I have left. Well, that and the pesky paper pom-poms! I finished the ribbon topiaries and OH-MY-GOODNESS!! They turned out sooo cute! I'm not really sure what to do with them after the party though, so if y'all have any suggestions I'm all ears!

Oh, and I wanted to give y'all an update on the whole Couch-to-5K thing. Ummm, not so much. I did the first 2 days, and then completely quit. Boo! After talking to my dad, a fellow non-runner, I decided to try some other forms of exercise & not feel bad that I quit (again!). Running just isn't for me, and I shouldn't force myself to do something that I just truly don't like. So, I've started eating better and I've been seriously eyeing C's P90X videos. Notice I said "eyeing", not "doing". Baby steps guys, baby steps! I have started walking with Elli in our super hilly neighborhood, and I've set a goal to lose 30 lbs by my 30th birthday. That's 7 months, and I'm confident that I can do it. Wish me luck :)

That's about it in our little world. We're gearing up for C's Graduation which is about 2 months away. We're VERY excited about finding out where we'll be heading next!

Imperfection

A friend of mine and I were talking yesterday about how rosy other people's lives seem when they're looked at via Facebook & Blog updates. Don't get me wrong, I love to rejoice with friends when good things happen to them...I just think that the small snippets of life that we get from these outlets aren't necessarily always painting an accurate picture. Know what I mean? And I'm totally guilty of it too, because I'm not sure that anyone wants to hear about the fact that I haven't vacuumed my house in over 2 weeks, or that the hat that I'm wearing isn't a fashion statement but a way to hide my unwashed hair! But then again, is wearing a hat really ever a fashion statement, or do I just tell myself that? Anyway, you get my point!

But I read a blog recently all about eating the proverbial "parenting crow", and it cracked me up!! If you visit, make sure you read the comments as well because they're just as funny :) And The Nester's whole motto is "it doesn't have to be perfect to be beautiful"...and you all know how much I LOVE her! And all of that got me thinking that maybe, just maybe, people DO want to know about the imperfections in our lives; that it's those imperfections that make us real and approachable.

To that end, I thought I'd give y'all just a little glimpse into my "real" life :) And I'm going to just go ahead and assume that the judgement will be kept to a minimum! Ha!

So, you know how I just said that I haven't vacuumed in 2 weeks? Umm, well it's been closer to 3...or 4. Ugh, I know! I hate vacuuming, I really do! And I question my parenting skills daily. Is this good for E to eat? Should we have more of a schedule? Am I teaching her enough? Is she getting enough interaction? Should she be in classes...music/storytime/etc? And the list goes on (and on and on). I argue with my husband. Luckily he's pretty darn cute and it's hard to stay mad at him! I quit things. A lot of things. And I'm not proud of it. I'm not great at responding to emails, and even worse at returning phone calls. 99% of the time I'm a super supportive military spouse. The other 1% of the time I struggle with the hours, the commitment, and the sacrifices that we all have to make due to C's service...and that's the honest truth. I miss my family and get so homesick sometimes that I cry, and I'm not a pretty crier! Though I should be used to it by now, I still get nervous and intimidated each and every time we go to a new base...but I DO love the "moving" part. I look back at my life and see a lot of mistakes, things I wish I could take back, things I'd do differently. That's not to say that I don't like where I am now, I just recognize that my decisions in getting here weren't always the greatest.

Bottom line is that no one is perfect, and we're not meant to be. I love what Romans 5:8 has to say about it...

"But God demonstrates his own love for us in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us."

What are some of your imperfections? Wanna share? It actually kinda felt nice to put it all out there :) Hopefully I haven't run you all off with my honesty...I know it's hard to look past those dirty floors!