Goodness!! Where have I been? Sorry this is a little bit late, but here are the questions for our Book Club this week :) Luckily there are still only 2 of us doing it, so I don't feel so bad!
1. After reading these two chapters, what do you believe to be the TWO primary roots of your struggle with insecurity? Keep in mind that more may apply but try to lock in on two that you believe to be most impactful.
2. What, if any, insight did you gain about the roots of insecurity and did you sense that God was trying to speak to you in any specific way through it? (This answer does not need to be limited to the two roots you identified in the previous response.)
Again, these questions are straight from the Beth Moore Blog. If you'd like more info on her, the book, or you're looking for a little bit more in depth discussion, visit her here. My responses to the questions are in the comments section.
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This weeks questions go straight to the heart. They are extremely personal, and quite hard to talk about actually. But, though I don't want to lay all my baggage out into the blog-o-sphere, I did vow to be honest, and honest (and real) I will be. It is my prayer that God is using this study, this in-depth digging into my soul, for His glory. Maybe someone out there has been in my shoes, and maybe my words might offer a little bit of comfort.
1. The two most significant "roots" of my insecurity are "Instability in the Home", and "A Significant Loss". You can't possibly know what these mean unless you read the book...they are definitely not always as they seem. For example, instability in the home doesn't always mean that your parents fought a lot, or that your home was chaotic. Instead it could be a divorce, abuse of some kind, job loss, financial problems, or moving a lot. The divorce of my parents was pretty significant in my life. Though it happened when I was very young, and though they both re-married, divorce is hard on children...always. It taught me that things don't always last forever, even when you think that they should. And the fact that those rumors that children of divorce are 50% more likely to get divorced themselves started being hurled at me as early as Jr. High didn't really help either. AND, Chris's parents are divorced as well, so if we listened to all those rumors, we'd have been doomed from the beginning, statistically speaking! And as far as the significant loss, though I really don't want to get into it too deeply, suffice to say that I had one and it was truly, truly significant.
2. I really tuned into what God was showing me while I read these two chapters, but in chapter 5 especially. In fact, there was one point where I literally prayed, through tears, thanking Him for restoring my soul over the years. The verse from James, "And we, out of all creation, became his prized possession", oh-so-powerful!! And the way that Beth explains that there has to be change IN our lives to CHANGE our lives...how significant is that!? And I really feel like she was talking specifically to me when the whole sensitivity thing came up! I just thought that the entire chapter was very powerful. And in the end, just as Jesus declared on the cross, "it is finished"...all of our tears, hardships, and pain will be gone!
I think it’s really cool that, depending on the season of life, bible verses can have so much more meaning. One day you read a verse and think that’s it a good verse…next. Then, months later read it and wonder where has this encouragement been all my life! The verses Beth quoted in chapter 5 from Isaiah really touched my heart. I won’t type them out here but they are 46:4 and 41:9-10.
#1- I think Amy and I are sisters? I have the same two; a significant loss and instability in the home. My loss would be my father. He died suddenly when I was 12. The ‘replacement’ father-figure was and never will be my dad. As I type this entry I’m reminded of what it was like to be daddy’s girl because I certainly was one. After finding out this week that we are having a girl, I just can’t wait to see how Jeff and Elynn interact with one another. It fills my heart with joy and anticipation just thinking about it…and gives me red eyes because my eyes have now become Niagara Falls.
I can’t begin to tell you all the instability that I faced growing up…I might crash Amy’s blog. My parents divorced when I was 3 so I don’t recall us ever being a family. The divorce was bad and we, the kids, were put in the middle. When both my parents remarried it just added to the chaos and mayhem of the households. Tying into another ‘rooted insecurity’, there are so many times that I feel that my innocence was taken from me during the battle of my parent’s anger. I don’t feel that most of what happened was intentional but just done out of shear hatred for the other, and no one won.
#2- God has spoken to me about my past, and because of that I’m finally in a healthy place in my life. I’m by no means a secure woman but the weight of anger, disappointment, and heartache has been lifted from my shoulders. I’m in a place where I’m learning how to water the roots, no matter how ugly, of my past and see beautiful blooms of happiness and hope.
How did I know that ours would be the same?! Didn't you just love these two chapters? I love your metaphor about the garden of your life...I, like you, have some pretty gnarly roots, but God has indeed blessed me and given me (and you) a truly beautiful life :) Oh, and you just wait until you see Jeff and Elynn together, it will melt your heart! Elli's 7 months old, and I still sometimes get tears in my eyes when I see how she looks at him.
Apples never fall far from the tree. Instability in the home is gnarly root for me. My parents often fought, hurled hateful ugly words at one another, went weeks without speaking, and I was the glue that was supposed to hold them together...or so I thought. I had to work very hard at holding them together by being the "good girl," making good grades, doing what they expected me to do in all situations, and that led me to doubt any decision I made for myself.As a child,I was always afraid my daddy would leave. As an adult, I questioned why they stayed togeher. Fast forward and I begin to see some answers for question 2. It is very hard for me to make a decision and then feel like I made the right one. It is left over from childhood. Maybe I don't have the right to choose this path. Maybe I am not smart enough to make this decision. But I am slowly learning that trust is not a noun...it is a verb. You do it. And I can trust that God is leading me to making the choices I make, leading me, and assuring me that HE has something worth waiting for.
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